2022 Year Note (Upgrade)

Photo by Vanessa Serpas on Unsplash

If you’d told me at the start of the year the ways in which it would unfold and how I’d feel at the end of it, I’m not sure I would have believed you.

You see, there’s been 3–4 major life events which have shaped my 2022: grief from losing my Nan, getting a new job, ending my long term relationship and moving back to South London.

As a trigger warning, this Year Note will contain references to those moments of grief and endings.

If I look inside myself and ask what I’m feeling in this moment, it’s gratitude. I’m grateful for what I’ve learned about myself; for the people around me; for seeing what it means to heal on multiple levels; for understanding more and more about what really matters; and for this world of magic and opportunities that surrounds us.

Last night (Wednesday 21st December at 21:47) Winter Solstice took place in the Northern Hemisphere. The shortest day of the year has passed, and our days will slowly be getting longer. It feels incredibly special to be writing and sharing this Year Note today.

“The darkness is a time of rest and rejuvenation, and the light is a time of growth and expansion.”

On New Years Day 2022, I made myself a large mug of tea, snuggled up on the sofa in a blanket with my cosiest PJs and socks, opened up a new Nuuna journal and started my first – of many – rituals* throughout 2022.

Firstly I chose my word of the year for 2022. This nearly ended up being “ameliorate”. I don’t think I fully understood the definition at first, and can’t remember what drew me towards it. Looking back at that moment, it really speaks to the 2021 that was — a year of work toxicity that burned me out and, quite frankly, broke me. And although I was desperate to make things better in any way from the place where I was, the intention didn’t feel quite right.

So I pondered and steered myself towards a different word: UPGRADE ⚡️

I wanted every element of my life to supercharge and change for the better, whilst restoring myself.

I didn’t realise how loud my wish was to the Universe.

The front page of my 2022 journal.

For those who follow or are curious about Numerology, 2022 was a personal year #1 for me. A time of ‘everything new’ — new beginnings, planting the seeds for what you want to grow, and concluding unfinished business. It can feel like a lonely year as you find your sense of independence and individuality, especially within relationships, in a balanced and healthy way. It’s a year of drastic change that requires courage.

I set my goals for the year, centred around the themes of ‘family & friends’, ‘health, healing & wellbeing’ and ‘growth, learning and reading’. This included things like: try 6 new podcasts, visit 3 places abroad, attend 2 gigs, read 12 books, indulge in a monthly self-care treat, get a new job that I love, attend an event each quarter. And I wrote my list of #100people I’d like to see.

People

TW: Grief

My Nan Eileen, wearing an iconic leopard print onesie.

My Nan passed in January. I felt sadness, relief, and gratitude. Like so many others, my grief for her (and the life she lived) started whilst she was still alive, as I mourned the person she no longer was. She passed on exactly her own terms and that brings me a lot of comfort and peace.

I treasure that final day we had together. I think on some level I knew it was the last time. I was planning on spending a weekend in late January (after UKGovcamp) with her but couldn’t shake the feeling I should see her earlier instead. I am forever grateful I listened to my intuition. I went to see her and she was having a good day, full of conversation, stories, advice, and kind words. At the time I wondered if she was going through the surge. She perked up even more when I carried her into a chair in the front room so she could have a cigarette and a Malibu. She wished me good luck with my upcoming job interview, kissed my cheek and we said how much we loved each other. She was gone two weeks later.

She was the first person I’ve ever seen at a viewing. I managed to tell her that I got the job.

I’m lucky to live in a time where I have photos and videos of her, especially a recording of her voice saying “Hello my Darling. Lots of love. Be good”. I am grateful I wrote down every question that I ever wanted to ask her, especially about her own life story, and she answered them (in that gorgeous, elegant, old-worldly way of writing) in a much-treasured book. At the time it felt like a morbid thing for someone to do but she really loved that I’d asked her. Since she’s passed I’ve made countless copies of that book for relatives.

I am grateful she passed at a time when we could bring everyone together safely to celebrate her life, and for being able to live-stream it to my relatives – especially my sister – in the US.

At her funeral, I read the poem “I have come home” by Fran Hall. Something about those words, the focus on nature and her still being all around just felt right. My Nan embodied that old Hollywood glamour, so I wore sky-high stilettos and a fabulous netted black fascinator. I tripped and nearly ended up falling into her open grave. She would have howled with laughter at that.

To end this part of the Year Note, some of my favourite advice from her over the years:

• always remember what you have and how lucky you are
• save a bit but do spend your money on indulgences and something wicked
• never break a trust/secret
• always keep your chocolate biscuits in the fridge.

Here’s to you Eileen (celebrating her 90th together in 2019)

Relationships and connections

One of the other major life events for me this year was the ending of my long-term relationship. Out of respect for them, I won’t linger on this topic, only to say that it was incredibly sad and that I’m grateful for the maturity around our parting. I’m also grateful to be able to return to South London and be surrounded by family and friends. I never know if you read my blog posts but you know who you all are ❤

That first weekend after the break up, I needed to be busy and in a room full of people. I ordered a last minute ticket to Interesting after Tom mentioned it at work. When I arrived I headed up to the balcony seats to take everything in. There I bumped into Cate who I was lucky to spend the whole day with. She won’t know (until now) just how much her company meant to me, or how I nearly cried when she insisted on buying lunch for me that day. Every last drop of that fruit smoothie tasted like sunshine. I guess what I’m trying to say is we never realise just how much our presence and action stretch further than we know, or how those acts of kindness and everyday magic are felt so deeply. Let’s keep doing more of those in a world that feels heavy and overwhelming.

We never know how our small activities will affect others through the invisible fabric of our connectedness. In this exquisitely connected world, it’s never a question of ‘critical mass’. It’s always about ‘critical connections’

— Grace Lee Boggs

At Interesting

#100people

A lovely part of my yearly rituals around connections is my 100 people list. Inspired by Mary, for the last 5–6 years I’ve written a list (on New Years Day) of the people I’d like to see that year. This years list was the first time I couldn’t put Nick Keane on it, so I decided to do it in honour of him.

I managed to meet / catch up with 55 people. Some highlights:

• Many meet-ups with Nour, including a visit to the Natural History Museum (accidentally, we actually meant to go to the one next door); dinner at Polpo; and my first ever BBC Proms.
• Dinner with Katy at Stem & Glory (can absolutely recommend that swede gnocchi, ‘fish’ tacos and bang bang broccoli)
• 1:1s with incredible MOJ folks including Jeffrey, Nikola, Tehseen, Heather, Jess, Simon
• Working with and learning from legends: Audree, Cate, Connie, Laura to name but a few.
• Gorgeous times spent with Sam & Coco at Service Design in Government
• Ending the year with a wonderful catch up with Ellie which was truly good for the soul 🔮

Just two gals at the Proms (Nour and I)

Profession & purpose

Leaving the Civil Service at the beginning of the year was daunting. Public service is my purpose. I’ve worked across the Criminal Justice System for over a decade, and trying to make things better across the system from the MOJ was my dream job. I honestly thought I was there for the long game, that I’d be there forever.

But Government is a relay. And change-makers burn out quicker, so you need to recognise when it’s time to walk away and give yourself permission to do that.

That last year was awful and I still don’t have the words for it.

So to those at the MOJ who got me through the last year, thank you.

And to those who put me through it, thank you in a different way — I’ll never let myself be treated like that again.

Good times at MOJ with our UCPD team

But let’s also not linger here, because things got SO MUCH BETTER ⚡️

Some of the glorious goodies from joining Public Digital

Undoubtedly one of the best moments of 2022 was joining Public Digital in March.

Here’s a quick snippet from our PD Year Note:

I joined the team in March, and have found that the culture is just as exceptional as everyone said it would be. In my role I lead our data programs with cities across the Americas, and it has been heartening to hear first-hand about their responses to the pandemic, what they’ve been learning about their communities, teams and culture, and how they look ahead to the future and a ‘new normal’.

And another quick snippet from my final 2022 internal PD weeknotes:

This time last year I’d received an email from [PD] confirming my telephone interview went well and I was being invited for a panel interview. I haven’t talked about it, but my last year in Civil Service was very toxic. Although I came here knowing deep down I could do this job, and would love this role and PD, and be surrounded by amazing people, my confidence was dented and I’ve been healing this year. And this has been the most incredible environment to do that healing in. I’ve felt welcomed and included right from the start, able to bring my whole self to work, and I’ve learned something from all of you. As [redacted’s] excellent weeknotes have already said, PD has something really special here.

There really is too much to say about how much I am loving working for Public Digital — so I’ll just say thank you to everyone for being wonderful, talented, inspiring, and hard working people. It’s a joy to come to work every day ❤

Okay, so those are the big themes of 2022. Let’s look at some of the places, projects, and personal development that was sprinkled throughout the year.

Places

I hadn’t left London since March 2020 and really wanted to try and visit three places abroad in 2022. I didn’t imagine I’d achieve that, or that they’d all be in America.

In June we finally made it to our family trip to Disney World. It was exactly what we needed. Great company, ambiance, rides, long walks around the parks, sunshine, the smell of cinnamon on Main Street USA, managing to get on the new Guardians of the Galaxy rollercoaster, churros for breakfast, hot dogs for dinner, conquering the Hollywood Tower once again, Mickey waffles, my Mum singing every word of It’s a Small World.

Once home, I felt a bit out of sorts and had caught Covid for the first time. It wiped me out for a week.

In July I visited Baltimore for the first time, as part of the launch of the Bloomberg Philanthropies City Data Alliance.

I set myself three goals: visit Edgar Allan Poe’s grave, eat crab cakes, and get a selfie with a Mayor. I managed two out of the three.

I flew Business Class for the first time, joining a sea of serious grey suits complaining about the meal choices whilst I squeaked with happiness (in my bright pink suit) at all of the little details. I didn’t stop saying thank you. What an absolute privilege to travel this way.

I mean LOOK AT MY DINNER. That sweetcorn gnocci was phenomenal.

It was wonderful to be back in Edinburgh in September for Service Design in Government. Mark and I facilitated a session on User Centred Policy Design, which I’ve already written about.

‘Freezing in the goodness’ in Edinburgh

My next work trip was in November when I went back to Baltimore but this time via NYC for the first time ever. As a Londoner I thought I might like NYC — I absolutely loved it. It feels like our sister city in many ways. A highlight was explaining to a curious teenager why ‘so many folks were taking a photo of an old building’ (the iconic Friends apartment on the left).

On the left, the iconic exterior shots of the Friends apartment. On the right, Carrie Bradshaw’s front porch from Sex and the City.

And finally, I headed to Denton (in Dallas, Texas) for Thanksgiving with my sister and her family. I hadn’t seen them since 2019, so seeing my (now) three-year-old nephew again and meeting my one-year-old niece was pretty magical. I learned a lot about dinosaurs, watched a lot of episodes of dinosaur ranch, looked for perfect sticks, built forts, and made the best hot dogs.

My nephew in his first ever fort.

Projects and personal development

We did another online UKGovCamp! I can’t put into words just how much I treasure this community ❤

It was pretty surreal to open the event playing Meatloaf songs and all having a little dance around on our screens. Those are the moments with a community that stay with you forever.

UKGovcamp22 was great but I think we were all feeling fatigued from two years of the pandemic. It felt like playing whack-a-mole at times. It’s also hard to create that magic in-person atmosphere with an online event— in particular, the opening for me feels flat. It’s hard to tell if people are enjoying it, if newbies feel included, if people feel able to ask questions or for support. I know I took on too much with UKGC22 and I’ve taken a hiatus this year. It’s been great to see from the sidelines the plans the team have been pulling together for the 2023 edition(s).

I wanted to go to at least 2 gigs. I went to Sutton’s first folk festival, Folk in the Park, and it was dreamy. I never thought I’d see the day that The Magic Numbers would be playing in my local green space! I also went to my first-ever gig alone and was adopted by a bunch of 20-somethings. Women are amazing.

The first ever Folk in the Park!

I journaled a lot. I wanted to write a lot more. I was still holding myself back this year.

I decluttered a lot. I bought plants for my apartment (so far they’ve all survived except for one, and that was due to a silly mishap), more art, and new wallpaper. I’m excited to transform my space throughout 2023. In fact, I’m just excited for more transformation all around.

You can close this chapter of your life and never look back, or you can flip through the pages, revisit old memories, reflect on how different you once were. That’s the magic of writing your own story — you’ll meet new characters, travel to new places, face new obstacles, and the best part: deciding how to overcome them and then realising you can. — Shelby Leigh.

I never quite know how to wrap up my Year Notes, only to say that I’m currently hibernating at my parents, making festive coffees each morning, playing games and completing puzzles together, watching game shows and Christmas movies, and listening to Magic radio and it’s so joyful, calming and restful.

My Mum posing with this years Christmas jigsaw — a picture of us completing last years one.

I hope the Holidays are good to you and for you, and I’ll see you in the New Year ❤

PS: If there’s only one piece of advice I share this year, it’s this — always buy the outrageous boots (mine are the gold cowboy ones on the left)

*a blog post about all of my rituals is coming in the new year